I have no one to turn to, you are my one and only last resource. Only you wun play me out, wun make me feel dumb, I can count on u anytime, u don't hurt me countlessly and u will nv betray me.
Now, I dunno who to relate to anymore. I'm not tired of life, I'm tired of acting and pretending to be me. Some say I'm an evil bitch while some say I'm too nice. Well, everyone has their good and bad side isn't it? I guess I just dun really which to summon out at e right point of time. I realise too much of pretending will only draw to a conclusion. Give up. Yea, u tell me not to give up easily, u tell me I shld stop myself from thinking too far, too much. Why not u try being me? I'm feeling like a cock now yet I have to console others that face the exact situation as me, how do I feel? I act like I'm ok in front of those that have no idea of what's gg on, I bring laughter to audience on stage even when the only thing I feel like doing is to cry my lungs out. WHY? WHY DO I PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE I DUN EVEN KNOW WHO? Why do I pretend to be ok when I am not?
WHY? That's b cos I dun wan my friends to get worried abt me. I dun wan to stress others with my situation, I dun wan others to know what am I thinking b cos no matter how much and how good i try to explain, they will nv understand the pain I'm gg thru cos they are not me. Too many things are gg thru my mind, money, family, friends, relationship and work. Now u see, my life is not jus what u think it is, it has more and so much more to understand. It's a 无底洞.
Don't tell me u understand me cos I dun even understand myself. I cant hypnotize myself and say I'm all well and stop thinking of what's all these abt b cos all these actually happen, it'll leave a memory, no matter what.
Eventually, I'll give up on being there for my friends, I dun even feel a pinch when I was sabo-ed by my friend, I wun cry over a guy that wun feel the same for me, I will not stand by my family and carry all the shit load of debts that's not mine. I'm just gonna concentrate on being me and doing things that will make me happy or benefits me.
It's pay back time. I'm getting back what I've contributed and waste on u ppl. I'm GETTING IT ALL BACK WITH INTEREST.
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